Hitting the Jackpot

One day I dream of having a stress-free life!
Oh, man, would that be nice!

Hell yes, I'd love to live like a queen!
That is my ultimate dream!

I know that it is the little things in life that are most important.
Having a little extra money would make enjoying them more potent!

To travel the world as a family,
Would be living the dream like Disney!

Being able to give your kids all their desires,
Nothing could make me higher.

Oh, and I would give some to charity.
I am more than willing to spread the winning spree!

I would love having resources to help others,
Such as all the unwed mothers.

A little to the church I'd give too,
Giving to God is what I'd do!

Let me win the lottery!
That would mean everything to me!

Show Me the Way

Lost in the dark,
myself I find falling a part.

Where is the light to point my direction?
Has it been extinguished without my recollection?

How does your inner spirit, your sense of self, disappear?
What does it take to see it all clear?

A free mind, a free heart,
That would be the way to start.

How do you release the demons in your soul?
Please tell me where I need to go?

It's like being lost in a foreign land.
I need someone to take my hand.

Walk with me,
Help me find the light,
Then everything will be alright.

It will be then that it all makes sense.
I'll know how my life must be spent.

Weight Loss Update

I got on the scale this morning and got a huge surprise!  I have lost 5 lbs.  I'm hoping when I get on tomorrow that it doesn't go up again, but it probably will.  My goal is to exercise more next week.  Starting tomorrow I plan to hit the gym!  I can do this! 

I did eat kind of bad today.  I had a poached egg sandwich for breakfast, but didn't eat it all.  For lunch I chowed down on a sub with two packs of mayo.  For supper Jeff and I went to a Mexican restaurant.  I only ate half my food and had one Corona.  Tonight I've had a diet dessert that I made from sugar-free ingredients and three half glasses of wine.  The good thing is that I'm hardly hungry ever.

How the Diet/Healthy Lifestyle is Going

Well, I have been keeping up with the eating part, but I haven't been back in the gym yet.  I'm still down 3 lbs.  I have been eating very little during the day, and then eating a bigger meal at suppertime.  I have cut down to no pop at all. However, I have been drinking energy drinks lately - AMP and Rockstar.  These are both good and bad.  Good because of all of the vitamins and herbs in them, bad because they have lots of calories.  Actually, the Rockstar I have been drinking is sugar free, just remembered!  Yeah!


I've still been doing the Hydroxy-Cut and CLA.  I've been taking Abdominal Cuts, which is CLA and GLA and some other things, like sesame seed oil.  A lot of celebrities use this, such as Kendra Wilkinson and Trista from the Bachelorette.  A friend let me borrow some from her.  They are somewhat expensive, on sale right now for $44.99, and usually I think $48.99.


The only exercising I've been doing faithfully are resistance band exercises for my tendonitis in my shoulders and tricep.  I have to do them every other day or I have pain.  I also have to do stretches for my shoulders twice a day.  I wish I could walk on the treadmill at least every other day too!  I guess I need to make time to do this, no matter how tired I am.  It has been freezing outside and I haven't felt like going out once I get home.


I have been drinking lots of water also.  My husband bought some water and I was drinking it until I started having some digestive issues with it.  Now I get water out of our fridge at home and put it in the water bottles.


With cutting down what I'm eating, I found that I have to be careful because on day I didn't eat enough and by night time at work I thought I was going to faint.  Not good.  It's hard to eat when you're not hungry though.

New Year's Resolution

On Tuesday, January 4th, I started my New Year's resolution.  I have started eating lots of fruit and drinking loads of water.  I actually lost 3 lbs in the first day.  It really works if you eat small amounts every two hours it increases your metabolism.  I actually did this once before and lost 35 lbs.  I also am taking some supplements - Hydroxy Cut and CLA from GNC.  I went back to the gym for the first time one Wednesday night after work.  I walked 2 miles on the treadmill.  I will keep it up.  I have about 45 to 50 lbs to lose.

I thought I would really miss drinking Mountain Dew, but I really don't.  I have drank some diet pop, but I really have cut down to about 2 cans a day.

I will try to update my blog to let you know how it's going and to let you know I'm still doing it!  I'm hoping to be bikini-ready this year. :)  The last time I was in shape was two years ago.

Christmas 2010

I haven't written on my blog for a very, very long time.  I'm not sure why.  Either, I haven't found time or lost interest.  Well, I decided to update tonight since one of my two followers has said she misses my blogs!  :)

Well, I'm still working 3 jobs.  I don't bitch about it as much as I used to though.  I have figured out how to control my own schedule and not let the work control me.  Thank God!  I was very stressed out before discovering how to do this.  I also changed from checking to customer service at Hy-Vee.  There is a lot more freedom in CS.  It can be very busy and crazy at times, but overall, good.  I work about 28 - 30 hours at Hy-Vee, 9 hours at GNC and about 10 hours for Kraft Foods.

My husband switched jobs from being a sales rep for Dr. Pepper/7-Up to being a bread truck driver for Sara Lee bread company.  The alarm goes off for him at 2:15 am five days of the week.  I have found myself waking up automatically at that time, even when he doesn't need to get up.  Interrupted sleep isn't good. :(.  Such is life though.  Sara Lee is being bought out by a company called Bimbo and we are just praying that Jeff doesn't lose his new position with the company.  That would be quite devastating to say the least.

Dalton was playing competitive traveling basketball for a team out of Marion, Iowa - 3 hours away, but has quit.  The coaches were not the friendliest people.  They wouldn't even say hello to you at a tournament.  They also didn't want Dalton to shoot 3 pointers.  This is a problem because he is a 3 point shooter.  He is still playing for his school team in 8th grade.

Elle, our junior, didn't go out for basketball.  She is concentrating on her studies, which is paying off.  She is doing excellent in school and has taken college classes.  She has a boyfriend who has been spending a lot of time with us on the weekends.

I was supposed to settle my lawsuit this month, but I decided to go to an orthopaedic doctor to see if I had anything more serious wrong with me than tendonitis.  He just concluded I had tendonitist in my tricept muscle.  I went back to physical therapy and it is now out of my bicept and I am feeling much better.  I should be done with physical therapy for the second time next week.  Then, hopefully, we can get this thing settled and behind us.  Can't believe it's almost been a year since the accident happened.

Today is Christmas Day 2010.  It was a great Christmas.  The kids got clothes mostly and I-Touches.  I'm not sure what that is.  Elle and I also got new Blackberrys.  That was a big surprise!  I was using a really old one that is huge and people can't believe it's a phone at all.  It will be nice when we get them switched over on Monday.  The kids are home for another week or so, until after New Year's.  Jeff and I are planning on going to Des Moines for New Year's Eve night.  Probably hit the casino, my favorite thing to do! 

Well, I hope everyone has had a great Christmas and will have a terrific New Year in 2011!  That is scary to say!  Elle graduates in 2012!\  Where has time gone?

Trying to Believe Again

Growing up my family wasn't too religious.  My father died when I was 6 and I believe my mom "gave up" on God.  I never understood this until recently.  Until my life fell apart too.  If there is a God, then why does he let horrible things happen to us?  Why does he let people get cancer for instance.  If he is always "watching out" for us, then why can't he stop us from making huge mistakes in our lives?  Our we ultimately responsible for our own actions?  People always say, "God has a plan for you", or "this is God's will".  Why would God will some of these horrible things to occur?  I understand through suffering we learn and thrive, but how much do we have to suffer?  How much do we have to endure before enough is enough?  After a while, say a year, of bad this happening, it is natural for a person to stop believing.

Miracles of God.  Are there miracles of God?  Does God make things happen to us?  Then what do you call the bad things?  God's will?  When a young healthy person dies, is this God's will.  I can understand an elderly person passing, but someone young and so alive with so much to live for?  No, I cannot accept this.

Everyone says how powerful prayer is.  How long must we pray before God grants us a miracle?  Does God  always answers our prayers?  Not always.  If you're lucky.  God has granted me a few answers to my prayers, but so many more have remained unanswered.  Why isn't God listening?  Doesn't he always listen?  Isn't he always around us?  Isn't he always watching over us?  I always thought so, but now I'm just not sure.

There has been much injustice in my life of late.  Maybe I deserve it, but where is God?  Why isn't he leading me to what is right?  Where is he leading me?  I am listening, but I can't hear him.  Ok, I haven't been to a church lately, but this is only because I am finding it so hard to believe.  When I look around at church and see people putting up their hands and praising God, I'm thinking, "What do I have to praise him for?"

What am I thankful to God for?  Well, I am thankful for my family.  I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads and food on the table.  But, what about all the bad times?  Where was God then?  I could make a list of all the times God wasn't there.  When evil things happened in my life.

Maybe God isn't always suppose to answer your prayers.  Then why do we pray?  I don't believe that we are always suppose to suffer either.  Is there a balance to this?  For every good thing, a bad thing happens?  Is there any rhyme or reason to God's "miracles"?  He has been there for at least two major events in my life - when my husband had cancer, and when we thought my son had cancer and ended up not having it.  But on the other end I would have a very long list. 

Should I just "learn my lessons" and lick my wounds and get over it?  Is it like forgiving someone for making a mistake.  I should forgive God and believe again?  Being alone and scared is a very dark place to be, especially when you don't think God is with you.  Are there signs that he is with me that I am missing?  Do I need to be more attentive to finding these signs?

I have not always been a "good" girl.  I have not always been a "bad" girl.  I believe I am a mixture of both good and evil.  I would really like to be more good than evil.  I have been tried too many times to test my good.  I have failed many times.