Original Poems by Breaking Dawn

The following are some poems I wrote tonight.  I hope to add to these.

What Am I Worth?

What is my worth?

Who have I hurt?

Am I important?

Have I made amendments?

Who am I,

to find out I try

Finding myself

is like finding a book on a shelf

Soul searching daily

makes me crazy

Have I found my soul?

This I do not know

How do others view me?

Do they see right through me?

Or do I stand out in the crowd?

Do I should out loud?

Do I need their approval?

Will they tell me I'm evil?

Do they view me as nice?

Or do they think I'm cold as ice?

Can they see my pain?

What is there to gain?

To feel their love

I would soar like a dove

Please Save Me

Save me o' lord,

my pleas I hope you've heard.

Hold me tight in your arms,

and forgive me of all my wrongs

Direct me to the light,

teach me wrong from right.

Strength, please give to me,

let me be all I can be.

Allow me to give,

because of you I live.

Make me pure again,

for my life with you has just began.

Angels send to greet me,

please come down to meet me.

Real Love

Real love is unselfish,
the kind of love where you would do anything,
including dying for someone.

Real love is forgiving your love for the unforgivable
and being able to more forward
with the act always in your head and killing your heart.

Real love is getting married
having a family and
growing old together.

Real love is something that
every person should experience.

Real love is a feeling of calmness and security.

Real love is what I feel for you
and is what you have given to me.

Fear

Fear of something horrible happening to you or your loved ones.

Fear of accidents, fear of poverty, fear of losing it all.

Fear of the unknown.

If we constantly live in fear, how can we enjoy life?

If we always think the worst is going to happen,
 what does that do to our human spirit?

We cannot live in fear.

Hope


Hope is trusting in God,
trusting in luck,
trusting in destiny,
that your life will be happy.


When we stop hoping,
there is nothing left,
but fear.


Hope is all we have.


The Past

Many a mistake I have made,
I will take them to my grave.

Your past comes back to haunt you,
making it hard to start fresh and new.

Regrets, I have many,
but cannot change them any.

I must move forward,
because I can't go backwards.

Forgive and forget,
sometimes that's all we get.

Letting go of the past is difficult,
so is living with the guilt.

God forgives us all our sins,
then new life can begin.


Lord, Be My Guide


I trust that God is looking over me,
I  know that he will guide me.


He will show me they way
each and every day.


I will listen when he speaks,
to the choices I should make


He will give me the strength
to endure the pain,
while I work for more to gain.


I have no doubt
his words will come out of my mouth.


I will give it all I've got,
because everyone deserves another shot.


To start a new,
would be dream come true.


























'

.

Sun Rise, Sun Set

We wake up each morning, take a shower, dress and go to work.  What motivates us to perform this process?  Paying our bills.  Providing for our family. Trying to save money to afford the finer things in life,  enjoyable activities.  What is the ultimate goal?  I'm sure there are some who are career driven, who thrive on climbing up the corporate ladder.  "Workaholics".

I know one such workaholic.  He is a salesman for a food product.  He works everyday, most days from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm.  He had a wife and a son.  I say had because his wife left him and now they are divorced.  Now he lives in a condo all alone, still working those long hours, but now with nothing to go home to.  He told me that he drinks several beers nightly in order to unwind.  Besides being a workaholic, was he also an alcoholic?  Was it both reasons why his wife left him?  His son got a brain tumor at age 6 months. He was now 14 years old still living with a brain tumor with limitations to his life.  Could this be the reason why his dad threw himself into his work and was never home?  So he didn't have to deal with his problems?

Sometimes working can be the problem and sometimes working can create problems.  Even though we have to work, we need to find the time to spent with our spouse and our children.  Working causes stress.  Stress causes people to be in an unfavorable mood and the people stressed out spread this mood onto the people they love.  Thus, causing material problems and problems with your children.  Imagine if you worked one job all day and then worked another job all night.  Would you be in a condition to come home and relax and talk to your spouse?  No, you would probably want to go to bed and sleep right away.

How do we balance work and our private lives?  We spend over half our lives working.  I believe our own time is so very limited that we need to make the most of it.  Why waste it fighting with your spouse or your children?  What do people want to do with their free time?  Watch TV?  Read a book?  Work out? Going out to eat?  Going to movies?  No matter what we choose to do, we need to save time to spend with our families.

When your children are little they are always home.  When they grow up you never see them.  They are going out with friends or going to sports practice or in school, and then they are gone.  There is no turning back time.  Sure, they will come home for weekends or holidays, but that's about it.  Sometimes they won't come home, they will want to stay at school to do things with friends.  After college they will move away or get married.  Does that mean you just let them go and never call them?  I feel that the bond with your child should last forever. 

I work at a grocery store.  Everyday I see older women with small children in their carts, their grandchildren.  I think this is a very precious thing.  There are some grandparents who don't do anything with their children or grandchildren.  There is a fine line between taking care of your grandchildren and having them thrown at you though.  I know there are some parents who take advantage of their parents to care for their children.  Then it becomes a burden, not enjoyable.

"Live to love,

live to live,

live not to work,

work to live."

We need to enjoy life and our loved ones and not make working or our career monopolize our time.   Make each moment count.  If we are always in a hurry in life, there is no time to stop and smell the roses.  Sometimes we are forced into stopping.  We get sick or a loved one gets hurt or injured.  Then we find we have lots of time to spend with them in an unfortunate way to get there.  Events have to stop us in our tracks to make us realize what is important in life.  If we are busy makes plans all of the time, we are missing living.

There are people who suddenly find themselves dying of cancer or another disease.  They are suddenly stopped and realize they are running out of time, their lives are running out.  There are always regrets.  Regretting that you didn't spend enough time with your spouse or your child.  Regrets that you didn't accomplish something you wanted to and now it is too late. We need to try not to have any regrets.  There is a movie called "The Bucket List".  It is about a man who is dying and sets out to do a number of things on a list that he always wanted to do.  The list included seeing the Grand Canyon, flying in a hot air balloon and driving a great ride.

"...Live free and beauty surrounds you

The world still astounds you

Each time you look at a star

Stay free, where no walls divide you

You're free as the roaring tide

So there's no need to hide

Born free, and life is worth living

But only worth living

'Cause you're born free"

Losing It - "Weight" and "Diet" Are Dirty Words

Your weight is one number that you don't want to be high, just like your age or blood pressure!  Weight is easily put on and seems impossible to take off.  We all would like a "magic pill" that would make the weight fall off and make us a size 2 instantly!  I once found a diet pill that actually worked.  I lost 35 pounds without exercising at all.  However, over time it's affects no longer worked with my body.  I tried to go off and then go back on, and that didn't work either.

Currently I work at a health store and encounter people looking for these magic pills almost every time I work.  They are willing to pay major money for these pills.  I have come to the conclusion, after trying several weight loss/fat burner pills, that the majority of them only give you energy.  They are filled with high amounts of caffeine, some natural caffeine found in Gurana, but caffeine nevertheless.  Some of them also raise your body temperature so it feels like you are sweating from working out, when in reality you are doing nothing.  You could be sitting in a chair with your feet up!  I, like everyone else, am looking for the right diet pill that works with my body to make the pounds fall off.  I will continue to try different ones until I find it!

The real cure to weight loss, as most of us already know, is exercise.  Exercise seems like a dirty word, a word similar to "snow" in Iowa, "poop", or "work"! If you look around though, it is the people who are running or working out who are the ones in shape and at an "ideal" weight.  An "ideal" weight varies from one opinion to another.  For instance, I was talking to my son about weight loss, he's 13,  and I asked him who he thought was a mom who was at an average weight.  He answered the name of a lady who is probably a size "0" and runs everyday.  I was shocked to find out this is who my son views as being an average size!  I must be a huge cow in his mind!

I was a size 5 when I got married.  After moving to another state and being unemployed for six months I became a size 16 very quickly!  I was homesick and my best friend in this new state was a couple of guys named "Ben and Jerry"!  We lived in a duplex that happened to have a 7/11 across the street!  How convenient!  Another best friend from there was the Big Gulp.  After gaining almost 50 pounds from stress, I then found myself pregnant.  Yeah, more weight to gain, eating for 2!  I had pre-eclampsia with this pregnancy and swelled up like a big whale!  I gained another 30 pounds!  Three years later I had my 2nd child having never lost the "baby weight" from the first one!

Over the years I tried losing weight.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I once lost about 50 pounds and was down to a size 8 almost.  However, I went back to my stress eating and gained it all back quickly!  Damn did I look good for a while though!  A short while!  I am a person who loses weight for a special occasion, such as a wedding or a class reunion, and gains it all back as soon as it's over!

I have tried all kinds of ways to lose weight.  After gaining my freshman 15 in college, I took those pills that were supposed to expand in your stomach and make you feel full.  I once was hypnotized for weight loss.  It lasted about a month.  I listened to subliminal tapes.  I even had a BB put in my ear to "rub when I felt hungry"!  I also did acupuncture and have tried every diet pill on the market!

My conclusion after all these trials, is that the only way to lose weight is to exercise and control what and how much you put into your mouth.  Eating.  We all have to do it to survive.  I see a lot of people buying those so-called low calorie frozen dinners, such as Weight Watcher's Smart Ones.  I recently saw a tv show about these dinners and it showed that they are mislabeled.  They found a lot of them had a lot more calories then what the label said.  We all know that eating fruit and veggies will make us thin.  So, why can't I do that?  When I have a salad, I have to put tons of full-calorie dressing on it to make it taste good to me.  I never was a fruit or veggie eater.  I don't remember my mom making me eat them.  I guess I never grew an appetite for liking for them.  When I do eat veggies, I have to add a ton of butter and salt, or if they are fresh put dip on them.  It's not that I don't like fruit and veggies.  Should my mom have forced me to eat these, would I like them more today?  Perhaps!

People go to leaps and bounds to lose weight.  They have tummy tucks and liposuction, and some have their jaws wired shut.  Then there are the poor girls, and some guys, who become bulimic or anorexic, or both, trying to fit someone else's idea of thin.  It's really sad when you think of how many have died doing this.  There is actually a website that tells you how to be an anorexic or bulimic!  I've read it!  How alarming!  My daughter is very thin and an athlete.  When she is training for track or another sport she loses at least 10 pounds.  People are always asking me and my husband if she eats.  Yes, she eats all the time.  Some people were just born lucky with a high metabolism.  I hope for her sake she keeps it for life!  She is already getting my hips!  Poor girl!  When I was in 6th grade I started getting my "womanly curves".  One boy I remember was so mean that he called me "Thunder Thighs"!  I wasn't fat by any means and was the tallest girl in my 6th grade class!  I just got everything before anyone else did!

I believe that the United States has a major obesity problem.  I think the leading cause of this is busy lives and fast food.  It is really sad to see 10 year old kids who are so heavy.  There parents take them to the doctor where they are told to "limit their food and caloric intake".  Easier said than done!  This is a kid!  Should you say no icecream, candy bars or soda for them?  Should you reward them in junk food?  That sounds like giving a dog treats!  There are also "fat camps".  I think these are a good thing if the child learns and continues with exercise and eating a healthy diet.  Diet.  What a awful word!  Losing weight is not about going on a diet.  It's about making lifestyle changes.

I believe another key factor to losing weight and keeping it off is positive thinking.  You need will power and a positive mind set.  Like everything worthwhile in life, you have to "want" it bad enough to work for it.  Blood, sweat and tears!  You can't do it for others.  It has to be your choice.  You are the one who has to go to the gym and workout.  At one point in my life I was actually addicted to working out!  I would walk on a treadmill three times a day.  I thought if I missed one time the weight would come back.  It did!

Being healthy is about lifestyle.  I feel a lot of it has to do with stress levels.  If you work all the time, are suffering financially, or have family issues, how can you think positive?  You need to figure out how to de-stress and go from there.  I've never tried to meditate, but I think I'd really like it and it would help de-stress.  Free your mind and free your body from all the burdens weighing you down!  Detox your life!

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

When we were little, people always asked us, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"  When I was little the boys all answered, "A professional football player."  The girls' answers were mixed, they included, " nurse", "vet", "hairdresser", or "singer".  Well, I don't think there were any pro football players who came out of my class or the whole school for that matter.  I recall my answer to that question was hairdresser.  I always wanted to do hair.  I had a life-sized Barbie head that I could practice on! I did it's hair and makeup.

When it came time to go to college, I really wanted to go to hair school.  My mom, however, believed I should get a "real" education.  She said to me, "You can always go back for that."  So, I went to a four-year private Presbyterian college.  It was very expensive.  I got a degree in journalism and a second major in English.  But, what was I going to do with it was the real question.  Well, I thought I was going to write for newspapers, be a reporter.  If I would have stayed where I went to college, in Storm Lake, Iowa, I had a job waiting for me.  However, cupid took over and I ended up getting married and moving to Denver.  In Denver you can write for newspapers, but you don't get paid, or if you do get paid, it's next to nothing!  I needed money, so I ended up becoming a secretary.  Employers loved my English degree.  I could proofread their letters.  So, I got sucked into the secretarial field for a good 15+ years of my life.  It pretty much ended about a year ago when I was laid off from a receptionist job.  There was a year prior to that when I was a retail manager, but I hated working weekends and went back to secretarial for the hours. For the past year, I have been working grocery retail, health store retail and merchandising.  Three jobs, three part-time jobs trying to make up for a full-time job. 

I have always regretted not going to hair school.  Everyone always says its never to late to go back, but I'm freaking 42 years old!  I feel like it's a little too late.  I also feel that I have so much more to give, but I don't really know what I was destined to do!  I have never figured it out! Of all of my jobs, I loved being a retail manager the most.  I loved it all, but firing people and working weekends.  So now I ask myself, "Now what do I do?"  Do I go back to school?  If so, for what?  Hair?  Retail management?  I have even considered the medical field since it seems to be where the money and jobs are.

How does one decide what they want to be?  Does it just come to you?  A lot of people follow the family business, but is that what they really wanted to do?  I believe there are  a lot of people who were pressured by their parents to be a lawyer or doctor, or something impressive.  I was pressured to go to a four-year college and look where it landed me - nowhere!

Maybe I should take one of those tests that tell you what you should be.  Maybe I should ask a fortune teller or the old reliable "8 Ball"!  Or, a Ouija Board!  Roll a dice!  Flip a coin!  Draw a straw! Maybe I need a Guidance Counselor!  If my Guidance Counsel in high school would have done his job maybe I would already be something I wanted to be!  I always thought the perfect job was no job at all!  I would win the lottery and stay home! Your job is half of your time, half of your life - 8 hours of your day, five days a week, 40+ hours a week, every week!  I feel that you really should do something that you enjoy if you are spending half your life doing it!

How many people really enjoy what they do for work?  I am guessing a hand full, maybe.  It wouldn't be called "work" if you really enjoyed it.  I think that's why they call it a "career".  What does "career" really mean though?  According to the Oxford English Dictionary,  a career is, "an individuals course or progress through life (or a distinct portion of life)".  Career comes from the Latin word "carrera", which means "race (as in rat race)".  A career assessment is, "help to identify and better articulate their unique interests, values and skills".

According to About.com, the top 10 careers for women are the following:

1. Pharmacist
2. Chief Executive Officer
3. Lawyer
4. Computer Software Engineer
5. Computer or Information Systems Manager
6. Physician or Surgeon
7. Management Analyst
8. Human Resource Manager
9. Speech Pathologist
10. Computer Scientist

Wow, did I ever go wrong!  lol!  None of the above sound fun to me!  I am easily bored and need constant stimulation!  I am a people person.  I like to be helpful to others.  So, what career does that mean I should choose?  I just took one of those career assessment tests online and it shows that I should be a "WRITER".  Wow! That is what I went to school for.  I guess I just need to find a way to make a living at it.  Maybe I will submit something to a magazine or try to publish something.  I have a friend who owns a Hispanic newspaper and she asked me to write for her.  Maybe I will just have to take her up on that offer after all.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

KARMA

According to the Wikipedia karma is, "humans have the choice  of good over evil and suffer the consequences." Have I done more good in my life than evil?  Have I done enough evil to suffer the consequences forever?  Does every good deed we do cross out an evil act we did in the past?  If one was a prostitute and became a nun, will they be saved? Do people become ministers and priests to erase the evil they have done and be save? Are there people out in the world who have done no evil, ever?  Purest virgins?  Who judges the evil we have done?  To me no one else matters but God, he who has the final judgement. 

When I was a child, my mom "forgot" to have me baptized.  Growing up my peers in school knew this.  One good Catholic girl said to me, "You have committed the original sin!"  Wow!  What a thing to say to a kid!  I always wondered what she was talking about.  I did nothing accept was born into the world.  What choice did I have anyway?  Later on, when I turned 21, my mom must have felt guilty and must have thought if I died before I was baptized I was surely going to hell.  She was bound and determined to have me baptized.  So, at the age of 22 years old I was baptized by immersion at the Disciples of Christ Christian Church in front of the entire congregation. I think a lot of her worry and guilt came on after I went to college and started drinking and experimenting with members of the opposite sex.  I was surely damned after that! lol!

So, does baptism give us good karma for life?  Does attending church, being a good Christian, and partaking in communion weekly give us good karma?  Does God believe in karma?  I feel that God is the one who chooses what consequences we must suffer.

I lost my job a year ago.  I think that was karma kicking my ass!  I have been  working three part-time jobs while searching for a full-time, better-paying job for over a year now.  I sometimes think to myself," How long is God going to make me suffer and how much more can I take?" I also was involved in a car accident almost six months ago.  I was the victim, having had my car totaled and having injured my back, neck and shoulder.  I went to doctors, chiropractors and physical therapists for well over three months.  Was this bad karma, or was it good karma?  It might be considered good karma.  It was a deputy sheriff who hit me by running a stop sign.  Everyone I told the story to had the same reaction, "Cha-Ching!"

I have attempted to change my karma.  I bought good luck charms and evil eyes.  I have even done spells on evil with candles. (I took a Witchcraft class in college.)  You light a black candle for the evil, a white candle for good, and a neutral colored one representing the new.  I don't know if it worked, but it sure made me feel better!

Do people who get cancer have bad karma?  Have they all done evil?  I can answer for at least one such person personally.  My husband, Jeff, had cancer 10 years ago.  He is a very good person, who I believe never did any evil in his life.  Well, I guess karma or God figured that out and saved him. There are people who were good people and died of cancer.  I don't think cancer picks good or evil, and I don't believe that God chooses people to get cancer.

If you get hit by a car or in an auto accident and die, does that mean you were evil or had bad karma?  I f you win the lottery or become famous does that mean you did good deeds in life or have good karma?  The meaning of life - what does it all mean?  Who can answer these questions?  No one but God, I guess.  Maybe when we die we are told if we did more good than evil.  Some people still believe that those who are evil go to hell and those who have been good go to heaven.  I believe, however, that God loves us all and will save us all.  I don't even know if I truly believe that it makes a difference if you were baptized or went to church.  I have always felt, since I was little, that as long as you believe in God, he will save you.  It is in your heart if you are a true believer.  You could be baptized and could be a regular at church and still not be a true believer in God.  I feel that a lot of people were forced into religion by their parents as kids.  There were kids in my class who said they were going to religion classes and skipped and went skateboarding instead, every Wednesday.

I don't believe that there is any "sucking up" to God.  Being involved in church activities such as teaching bible school or being an elder at church will not make you more favorable to God and does not make you a better person.  I have some neighbors, for instance, who I know think they are very holier than though Christians because they are very involved at a local church where we used to attend.  The husband has actually ran people away from the church by being too overwhelming with teaching the young at church.  He has turned something good into something evil in doing so.  Will he be saved?  Yes.  Is he a better person that me?  No, and I too will be saved.

 

Tattoos - A To-Do or Do-Not

I have to admit that I am a tattoo virgin.  However, I am planning on changing that very soon.  But, I have to wonder, "What does society think about a person sporting a tattoo?" Do people think it's cool, do they think you're a wild girl if you have one, or maybe they think that you're a loser for having one?

I used to be one of those people who thought, "I'll never get a tattoo in a million years".  Why did I change my mind?  Well, I guess it could have been a mid-life crisis because I did change my mind when I turned not 40, but 41.  Could it be a feeling of wanting be wild and free?  I'm really not sure, but I have definitely changed my mind and can't wait! 

I do worry that it may cause me major pain.  I also worry that I may get infection.  I wonder who should I get to do it.  I do think that this is such a permanent thing.  I worry that it will look cheap.  I want to have a really cool and really well-done tattoo.  I don't want one of those tattoos that look like you did it yourself.  I have seen people with ones that look very amateur.  I wish I could go to L.A. and have Kat of L.A. Ink do my tattoo!  That would be awesome!  Do I go locally, or do I go to a major city?  I was thinking locally, but  am rethinking that now.  I live in a small town with only one choice to go to.

How does one decide what you will put on your body permanently for the rest of your life?  I am sure that there are people who spontaneously decide to go and get whatever looks good at the time.  I always thought that people got drunk and went and got a tat.  Then I found out that tattoo parlors don't allow you to be intoxicated at the time of getting it done.  There went that idea.  I really wanted to numb the pain!

At first I was thinking of getting a "Tramp Stamp", but then I thought who would see it but my husband or when I sent swimming?  Now I am thinking of getting one across my upper back, shoulder region.  I want people to see it, but want to be able to hide it when I need to also.

The design?  I have decided on a tribal butterfly design.  What does this signify?  To me butterflies signify a "rebirth" and freedom.  I also thought of stars because I love stars.  How do people decide.  I have heard that people tribute their tattoos to ones they have lost, such as putting a photo of a lost loved one as their design.  My ideas doesn't go that deep.  Then there are the people who put loved one's names as their tattoos.  You always hear right after they do this, they breakup with that person and are domed for the rest of their life, having a reminder permanently on their body. I find this idea really stupid!

Does not having a tattoo yet make me conservative?  Should I have already had one before the age of 42? Is getting a tattoo something you do when you are young and stupid?  Is it a personal choice?  Is is something you can do at any age?

I also wonder, "Will I feel different after I get a tattoo?"  Will I turn into a wild child?  Or will I just be the same old person only with a design on my body that wasn't there before? I guess that once I actually go through with the act, I will then figure out all the answers to these questions. I hope so anyway.

When I was little, growing up in the 70's, I remember always thinking that only men got tattoos, and usually men in the military.  I am thinking that these days, in 2010, a tattoo is like an accessory, only one that is permanent and unchangeable.  You can't change it.  I believe that is why people keep getting new ones.  They changed their mind about the ones they have and have thought of better ones they should have had.  That is how people end up being tattoo from head to toe!  Do I think I will be addicted and end of having tattoos from head to toe?  No, I think I will have a few maybe - one on my back, maybe one on my foot, and that's about it.  I do have a very addictive personality and it could be a very bad thing!  Time will tell!

Fall Approaches

August means the end of summer, the start of school, and lots of running around preparing.  First there is the sports physicals.  Can't practice without them.  Trying to get multiple kids into the doctor's office isn't always easy at the last minute.  Then there is school registration.  Paying all the fees for gym, lunch, books, and activities.  Not a happy time of the year for your bank account!

The ultimate of the emptying out of your bank account is the dreaded back-to-school shopping trip!  This cost is multiplied by how many children you have.  My kids are soon to be 17 and 14, this is not a inexpensive clothing age.  We made two trips to Jordan Creek Mall in West Des Moines.  My kid's favorite stores are Holister, Aeropostale and Forever 21.  The first is the real killer!  It helps when you find good deals though! My son is 13 at the moment and about six foot already.  Of course, with this huge growth spurt comes longer jeans and bigger shoes!  For some reason, he only likes Holister jeans.  Nice!  And, of course, he only likes expensive Nike basketball shoes.  This kid has expensive taste!

When I was a kid I had to make my school clothes money by working detasling seed corn!  This was grueling work in hot temperatures and while itching with corn rash!  But it was really good money.  Back then the going rate was about $100 an acre. When the work was done my mom and two sisters, and I would head to Des Moines for our shopping spree.  Back then the mall of choice was Merle Hay Mall.  It might have also been the only mall in Des Moines then.  I made my money stretch by going for the bargains.  Good thing back then I was a smaller size and could find things my size.  It didn't matter what the label said, as long as it was cute and fit, I was set.

With the beginning of school also comes the start of the sport season.  We will have plenty of junior high football and JV volleyball games to attend.  We also attend most of the home high school football games.  We are sports fanatics.  We also manage to attend a few college games.  This year I plan to attend some Texas Longhorn games!

I am really looking forward to the cooler fall weather and the leaves changing.  Fall is one of my favorite seasons.  The leaves are so beautiful with their rich red, gold and brown colors.  I also love when the evenings grow cooler and you can start wearing jeans and sweatshirts.

Welcome fall and Friday night football!  You can't get here soon enough!

What Would You Do For Money

I sell lottery tickets every day I work behind the Customer Service counter.  It seems like the young to middle aged people spend the least.  Older, retired folks spend 20 bucks a shot on one scratch ticket, plus an additional 20 bucks a shot on lottery tickets.  The most I've experienced anyone winning was $500.  The woman who won this on a $20 scratch ticket shushed me when I exclaimed, "You won $500!"  She said that her husband was in the checkout lane near by and she didn't want him to know how much she had won because the last time she won he took all her money.  Who could blame her then!



We sell lotto tickets, scratch tickets and pull-tabs.  There are people who play everyday and come up to the counter at least five times.  There are people who are serious about winning and want reports of the winning numbers to compare to their favorite numbers.  There are people who want the losing tickets back so they don't choose those numbers again.  There are also people who have plastic sleeves to keep their lottery tickets in to keep them organized.  I'm not sure where they get these.  Then there are the people who have their tickets so wadded up that it is impossible to put them through the machine to check.



What is the motivation behind these acts, to win enough money to be "Set for Life"? We all think how easy life would be if we won millions.  However, I've seen those TV shows that show the lottery winners and how they are after winning.  Most of them have lost it all within a year or two.  They invested in bad deals or just spent it all away.  There are jealous people who are mean to them afterwards. It creates tension between family members.  You wonder, "Is it worth it?"



Most people want to "keep up with the Jones".  Their friends have a Lincoln Navigator or a Cadillac Escalade, and they would do anything to have one to be of the same status.  So, they refinance their homes or they take out loans.  Some work three jobs, whatever it takes.



There are people who have bought brand new houses they couldn't afford to be with the "in" crowd.  These people have a nice home with no furniture.  They can't afford the furniture after they spent all their money on their house.


Greed makes people do stupid things without thinking.  They commit crimes thinking they'll never get caught, only to get caught and end up in prison or lose their jobs.  Then where did they get?   Did they get ahead?  No they just ruined their reputation.  They ruined their good name.  They shamed their families. They can't show their face in public again.


I know a woman from a nearby town who worked for a bank and embezzled thousands of dollars.  She is running free now.  But, the price she paid was a divorce.  People who are in thousands of dollars of credit card debt or in foreclosure of losing their homes end up doing very stupid, desperate things, thinking they are helping the situation.  There are companies that prey on these poor people.  These companies are quick loan companies and debt elimination companies.  Quick loans fix the problem temporarily, only creating more problems further down the road when these loan are due and they can't pay them back.  Debt elimination companies promise to take all your problems away by paying your bill off, when in reality they take your money and never pay those companies a dime, thus, creating more debt and law suits.


Maybe staying at the status you are at is not so bad after all.  You don't create debt you can't pay. Not keeping up with the Jones may not just be conservative, it may be smart too.  Hard work should pay off.  Working your ass off should get you somewhere in life.  You shouldn't have to be old and retired to enjoy life and do things that makes you happy. Life isn't always fair.  Sometimes we get the luck of the draw.  Sometimes we get lumps of coal.

Obsession with Wine

I enjoy fine wines. There are two Iowa wineries that I enjoy - Santa Maria Winery in Carroll, Iowa and Prairie Moon Winery in Ames, Iowa.  My favorite wine from Santa Maria is Batta Bing, a bing cherry wine.  My favorite wine from Prairie Moon is Blushing Moon, which goes down really smooth.

While I love the expensive wines, there are some cheaper picks that I also enjoy.  They include Black Swan, an Australian wine, and several California wines that you can actually buy for $6.00 to $3.00 a bottle - Southern Pointe, Blackstone, Tisdale, Beringer and Oak Leaf.  Yes, I said $3.00. You would like that a $3.00 wine would taste really horrid, but it's simply not true!

Merlot, Shiraz and Cabernet Sauvignon are my favs.  I find white wines to be too dry.  There are a lot of wines that I have yet to try.  I like to try a new every week.  A glass of wine makes you feel relaxed.  You drink it out of a very elegant, pretty glass (I also collect wine glasses.). Wine is sophisticated compared to beer.  It is considered an "adult" drink.  After all, you don't get a "wine belly"!

I never realized that there are specialty wines until I went into a wine store at the Mall of America recently.  At this store I found wines themed after Ed Hardy, Harley Davidson, and Marilyn Monroe, to name a few.  There are also hip names for wines - "Bitch", Rhuby Dooby, Little Black Dress, and the list goes on and on. Wine tasting is a fun hobby that I really enjoy, who wouldn't?

Girls' night out often includes wine.  Sitting around relaxing and enjoying a great class of wine.  Sitting around a bond fire sipping wine is also very relaxing.

I have much to learn about wine, and I intent to further my knowledge, bottle by bottle!  lol! :)

My New Blog

I graduated from BV U in Storm Lake, Iowa in 1991 with degrees in journalism and English. I always hoped to write for newspapers, and I probably could have, if I wanted to work for free.

One of my current bosses recently asked me if I still wrote, and without a second thought, I replied "No." Then, my second thought was, "Why not?" I love to write.  Writing is the mirror to your soul.  It lets people read your mind. Sharing your thoughts and ideas with others.  Not everyone may like what I say, and that is fine, but some may actually enjoy what comes out of my head. So I figured, why not give it a try?  What do I have to lose?

I said earlier one of my current bosses asked if I wrote, that is because I currently have three bosses.  I work at a grocery store in customer service, I work at a health store as a sales associate, and I work as a merchandiser in grocery stores.  I guess having three part-time jobs is a little usual, but that is how things have worked out since I lost my full-time job a year and a month ago.  I worked in an office environment as a secretary since graduating from college in 1991, with a year break as a retail store manager.  Having part-time jobs gives you the freedom of asking for what days you want off whenever you need them.  This I really love.  It also doesn't give you any paid vacation or sick time.  There are ups and downs to everything, huh?

I am 42 years old, married for almost 20 years to Jeff,and have a 16 year old daughter, Elle, and a 13 year old son, Dalton.  We are a sports family.  Starting this month Elle will be in volleyball and in September Dalton will start Jr. High football.  We have permanet bleacher butt, lost feeling in your ass.  Good thing I have a lot of padding!

Other than family and sports, my interests include reality tv, movies, music, fashion, jewelry, wine, food, and most importantly the perfection of the act of relaxation. How do I relax?  Mostly it is sitting in my favorite recliner with my feet up watching tv or a movie, with great-smelling candles lit and the little twinkly lights around my entertainment center on.  You know, those clear Christmas lights that you can use all year long for a happy effect!  I also love to travel, stay at nice hotels, eat out at great restaurants, layout by outdoor pools sipping drinks. I'm sure that everyone has their own ideas about how they like to relax, this is just mine.

Well, going to be going to one of my jobs soon, so this is it for my first post. Have a great week all and I will be back soon with more of my deep thoughts that need to surface! :)